My Newest Blog Friend...

 Jane Isfeld Still

Jane was having a giveaway on her blog... and guess who the lucky winner is... ME!  I'm so excited to receive these books. Check out Jane's  Blog  you, too, will have a smile on your face!  For those of you who follow my blog you know I have been "not myself" for the past few months.  I'm still waiting for my divorce to be final (it's been 11 months now... would the judge sign the dang paperwork already!) I read the below excerpts on her blog and burst out laughing. One of the things I have learned in my life is... you have to laugh... laughter is INDEED the best medicine!  So thank you Jane... I'm looking forward to receiving my books and the chocolate to go with it...  and a few good laughs to wash away my troubles... I'm off to find a good hiding place for MY chocolate because Josh is our chocolate stealer in our house! Huggies everyone!

 Crazy Daze of Motherhood...

FASHION FAUX PAS
I hated going to the doctor’s office for many reasons, but my main concern centered on clothing—I worried about what to wear. …..

It seemed that no matter what the exam was, it required some level of undress. I could never be sure how much nakedness the nurse required. I certainly didn’t want to look like an imbecile by asking her to clarify exactly what “take off all your clothes” meant.  Did she mean all my clothes, or did she just mean the clothes pertinent to the exam? Why should I take off my jeans if I was having my lungs looked at? It would be embarrassing to take off more than I needed to. That would make me look eager.  If I must remove all my clothes, what about my socks? A person needed something on for warmth and security, but socks look dorky when you’re naked, and who wants to look like a dork?  Maybe, if I wore the right style and color, they would coordinate with the gown. Would knee socks look better or rolled ankle socks? Maybe socks that slid over my feet and didn’t hit the ankle would be best. Would black socks look better than white? Maybe they would let me take a gown home and try it on in the mirror.  What if you had a hole in your sock? It would look stupid to put your shoes back on to hide it, like you were ready to leap up after the exam and wear your gown the rest of the day as you ran your other errands…………

Mothers Daze...

…….tonight I was ready to don the hoops and heels. Rick was taking me out on our first official date since Jason was born. It was time to pull back the cobwebs and shake the dust from my wardrobe. There must be something in there I could cram myself into by now……I rummaged through a pile of jeans crammed in a dark corner. Did I dare? I pulled out a favorite pair. “Careful now, don’t get too excited.” I was speaking to the girl in the mirror. “They’re sliding up, over the thighs, past the hips.” One more major obstacle and . . . “Yes!” I screamed. They had encompassed the tush and pulled around the front. Four more inches, and I’d have a home run.  I took a deep breath to suck my stomach in. It wouldn’t suck. I tried to flatten it with my hands and stuff it somewhere, anywhere. It wasn’t happening. I tugged at the zipper. Nothing. If I could just snap them shut, I could cover the zipper with a shirt. I tugged and then pulled again, harder. I backed against the wall, spread my feet apart, braced myself, and tried again. It was close. I felt light headed from all the huffing and puffing, so I rested on the edge of the bed.  This must be how girls felt years ago when they had whalebone corsets to achieve those ridiculous waistlines that could be spanned by a man’s hands. No wonder they had to have someone hold a foot in their back and pull at the strings. That’s it! I jumped up. “Rick, I need help. And bring the pliers.” “You want me to what?” “I want you to snap up my pants.” “Honey, you’re regressing. Do we have two babies in the house now? Should I be worried about potty training time?” I punched him. “Did you think that up all by yourself? If I can button your long-sleeved shirts for you, you can snap my pants up for me.” “Turn around then.” He reached from behind and pulled and tugged my waistband forward. “Ow. You’re pinching me.” I pushed his hands away and turned to face him. “Jane, this is humanly impossible. It can’t be done. When a snake outgrows its skin, it gets a bigger one.” “Thanks a lot. In case you didn’t notice, I am not a snake, and I don’t want bigger jeans. I want smaller ones.” “Is that supposed to make sense?”……………